The Dumpling Family moves across country

We moved across country, from Boston to Seattle, at the beginning of March of this year. It had been nearly a year since I started working for T-Mobile and, the deal was, we would relocate within a year. So, we did.

Moving with kids is a nightmare. It just is. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Even with a corporate relocation package that pretty much paid for everything (so money wasn’t a stressor), there were so many moving parts to the logistics and the disruption it caused in our lives was MASSIVE.

As an example, in addition to moving all of our stuff, we also had two cars. And for whatever reason, the cars were shipped in two different trucks. The pick-up and drop-off times are all basically random, meaning you can get a phone call at any time of day when the truck driver is nearby and he will want you to go meet him within 30min.

Then, of course, there is our stuff. My company paid for a white-glove moving service that is supposed to take care of all the packing as well as the moving. I’m pretty sure this service cost 8 figures because our move took 4 business days, they flew in an on-site coordinator from Florida just to manage the crew, our driver was from Texas, and they brought in a moving crew of like 8ish people from Rhode Island. So just everybody’s travel, hotel, food expenses, would add up. I obviously did not know about this until they showed up and I started talking to them and realized none of them were local. But in the back of my mind, I was thinking, well why doesn’t the company pay me $100k or whatever it is they’re paying this moving company, I will just trash all my furniture because I’m pretty sure it’s not even worth half of that, and buy new furniture in Seattle? Alas, that was definitely not an option.

The move itself

If it’s a white-glove service that does all the packing and has an on-site coordinator to manage the crew, you’re probably thinking that sounds pretty nice, right? Maybe I can just stand back, make myself a margarita, and relax, right?

Wrong.

Traveling with kids

I like to travel, a lot. And my kids, at only 2 and 4 years old, have probably traveled more than many adults.

BabyDumpling got her passport at 3 months old, while MiniDumpling got her passport at 1 month old. BabyDumpling also has Global Entry, so she has her own known traveler number. MiniDumpling has been to New York, New Hampshire, Maine, Texas, Ontario, Maryland, Georgia, Florida, and Quebec. She’s been on a plane about 9 times (I think?), despite spending more than half her life in a global pandemic.

Internationally, our kids have only traveled to Canada, but we’re planning to go to Costa Rica later this summer, and China next year.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions from friends about what it’s like to travel with kids, particularly 2 young ones. It hasn’t been too bad for us, actually. Our kids are highly adaptive and pretty good in new environments. We may be lucky, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed at the thought of traveling with the kids and all their stuff, that’s normal! It’s ok to find a babysitter (ahem grandparents) so you can travel without them, or wait until they’re a little older. But if you’re like me and you are itching to go somewhere every weekend, I do have some advice that may help. This is a long post, so feel free to jump to the section you’re most interested in.

• Flying with kids
• Sleeping arrangements
• General advice

Flying with kids

Flights. Flights with kids are their own beast so I think it deserves its own section.

Seats

The most common question I get asked is whether we buy our kids their own seats. We didn’t, until we had to. MiniDumpling was not a big fan of carseats, so even if we had bought her her own seat and put her in a carseat, I think she would have cried for me to hold her if I was sitting right next to her. Plus, we are not big fans of lugging carseats onto planes (especially when I’m traveling alone with the baby). So I always held the kids in my lap until they were 2 years old.

BabyDumpling on her flight to Houston with her best friend, hippo the pacifier

Some parents really detest the idea of holding their kids for long flights, which is very understandable if they’re wriggly. Also, it is tiring to hold your kid for hours while they nap. So, many will opt for the carseat with the hope that the kid will sleep better in there. Makes sense, if you’re trying to keep as many things the same as possible.

When MiniDumpling was 6 months old, I flew with her solo from Toronto to Boston. I had to run through the exact logistics of where I put her and when I needed my hands many times before the real deal. This is how I did it. I pushed her in the stroller up until the gate, then put her in the baby carrier just before boarding. This way I had my hands to push the stroller down to the bottom of the ramp, fold the stroller, and bring the diaper backpack onboard.

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MiniDumpling enjoying Toronto Pearson Airport

MamaDumpling’s new job

2020 was a really tough year for me, not just because of COVID, and because our dog suddenly died, and our house had to undergo reconstruction for 3 months, and not even because all of that happened at the same time (March – June 2020).

It was also really tough for me at work. 2020 was supposed to be the year that I was up for promotion, and knowing that, I took on a lot of tough projects and worked my ass off. I did end up being nominated for a promotion but I didn’t end up getting it. And the reasons for not getting it were basically bullshit. This is what bullshit looks like:

1. The project that I was on when COVID hit was really intense, and struggled to deliver results despite everyone on the team pulling crazy hours (like 8am-2am crazy, like sitting in front of the laptop for 6 hours without going to the bathroom crazy). I asked for more resources but was turned down multiple times, and when I was finally given one additional person, they took him away after a month. Long story short, they basically blamed the failure of that project on my managerial skills. When it came up in the promotion decision committee, they questioned my “consistency” in performance. This was literally the only project in my entire career at this firm that did not succeed, and the only project in my time as a manager that didn’t get rave reviews. But they question my consistency instead of recognizing that an anomaly happened concurrent with a global pandemic? Ok.
2. The aforementioned project was with a client that had been my “main client” before I went on maternity leave. The relationship Partner on that account used to love me. Then, another Principal swooped in while I was on leave and ingratiated himself with the Partner. When I came back, the Partner staffed me on a new project that was starting at this client, and the Principal felt threatened. I didn’t know this at the time, but he found many ways to make me look bad, behind my back. In the end, the Principal essentially made me the scapegoat and the Partner no longer saw me as his “superstar.” During the promotion discussions, they want to see that you have a “main client” and a set of core Partners who you will work with and be your “flying formation” for commercial pursuits. Unfortunately, I no longer felt comfortable listing this client nor this Partner as part of my core flying formation, and there were no other strong candidates (because I’d spent so much of my time working with this client and this Partner).
3. My practice group didn’t do well during COVID and actually didn’t end up promoting anyone this year. That is also a bullshit reason not to promote me.

When my “Career Advisor” partner delivered the news, he said that he was sure I would get the promotion next year, so it’s not a big deal to wait a year. Like hell it isn’t.

Understanding what an au pair is and how they are different from nannies

When MiniDumpling was still in my belly, we started thinking ahead to childcare. In the Boston area, daycares often have year-long waitlists so it’s very important to figure out early what you want to do with your baby once you have to go back to work (don’t get me started on how short maternity/paternity leave is in the US).

I decided that, with 2 kids under 2, it might be worthwhile to get a nanny or au pair, especially because we anticipated that we might not be able to get as much help from the grandparents. It turned out to be a great decision because COVID. But more on that later.

What is an au pair?

An au pair is kind of like a foreign exchange student who lives in your home and helps you take care of your kids. They come on a special au pair visa, sponsored by a few official companies that run these programs (and take a fee), and are usually between the ages of 18-26. There’s a requirement that they have some number of hours of past childcare experience, but once you start looking, you’ll realize that this can easily be fulfilled if they have ever babysat for family or neighbors. You pay them a stipend of $200/week and they can work up to 45 hours/wk (there are some other rules around working hours).

How are they different from nannies?

Well, first of all, they live with you. And while there are such things as live-in nannies, au pairs are less like an employee and more like a family member. The program is very clear that this is a “cultural exchange” experience. My personal recommendation for the best experience is to go into the program with the expectation that you’re adopting a younger sister or a teenage kid. Our au pair ate all meals with us, went on family vacations with us, etc. She made her own friends and went out sometimes, but also spent some of her evenings and weekends (her non-working hours) with us.

Another difference is the level of experience and professionalism. Granted, I have a data point of one (one au pair and one nanny) and both were fantastic, but I have heard stories from other parents, from my au pair about other au pairs, etc. If you have had a nanny before, I would recommend you set your expectations lower for an au pair. Again, they are not a “professional nanny,” they are a young adult looking for a travel abroad experience, and they are essentially financing that experience by taking care of your kids. Some of them do have “real” childcare experience, meaning they have worked in a daycare/preschool, they have a degree in childcare, etc. and they have a genuine interest in working with kids. But most of them are looking for a gap year travel experience.

So, what does that mean for the parents? It doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be irresponsible. But it does mean that you have to be pretty explicit about what you want them to do, what you don’t want them to do – in other words, communicating your expectations. Don’t expect that they will clean up the kitchen after meals, don’t expect that they will do the kids’ laundry, don’t expect that they will take your kids to the playground – unless you set these expectations. And remember that there is a language and cultural barrier, too. So don’t make any assumptions and over-communicate.

We were extremely lucky with our au pair, it was a great match. She was on the older end of the age spectrum for au pairs (which was what we were looking for) and was extremely responsible and mature. When she arrived, MiniDumpling was only 2 months old and refused to sleep on any surface except a human body. Our au pair took it completely in stride, and literally would sit on the couch and not move for as long as the baby slept. One time I walked by, and she had been sitting on the couch for 3 hours because the baby wouldn’t wake up, and she needed to go to the bathroom but she was just waiting. There are few people who would do that for someone else’s baby, even professional nannies.

Also, the expectation originally was that she would only watch one kid, and the older one would continue to go to daycare. When COVID hit and daycares closed, we were really lucky that we had an au pair at home and there was almost zero disruption. However, we also have to recognize that for our au pair, taking care of an 8 month old and an almost-three year old was not the same thing as taking care of one infant. In Massachusetts, workers comp laws changed to “include au pairs” so we were already paying her more than $200/week, but we also tried to build in breaks into her day. PapaDumpling and I would block our calendars for an hour during lunch time so that we could watch the kids and our au pair could take a break. We later pushed MiniDumpling’s nap later to match BabyDumpling’s nap so our au pair could rest during that time. Whenever possible during the day, we’d come down and spend some time with the kids so as to ease the burden on our au pair.

Another great thing about au pairs is that it really is like adding another member to your family, and you can get a lot out of a cultural exchange that you might not get out of a nanny. Our au pair got along really well with us and spent a lot of time with us, even when she didn’t have to. We learned a lot of French from her, our kids learned a lot of French from her, she made French food for us, introduced her to her family (she came from a big family with 5 kids). I met her mother and sister-in-law in Paris and we spent a day together, and then her family and ours exchanged gifts over the course of the year. We went on several vacations together (before COVID), because I knew she wanted to travel and see the world, and I wanted to show it to her. We took her on a roadtrip through Maine up to Montreal and Old Quebec. We took her to Martha’s Vineyard and Cape Cod. And she had many weekend trips of her own. Our au pair didn’t just watch our kids, she watched over our whole family. She was a particular comfort to me and we became very close friends, which I was very grateful for especially during the pandemic when we could not socialize with anyone. Our au pair became MiniDumpling’s godmother, and even after she started working for another family, we would video call each other on the weekends, she took time off to go to Austin with us and visit us for the kids’ birthdays. She’s also invited us to visit her family in France when things open up again.

What about nannies?

After our au pair, we found a Brazilian nanny and she was amazing. We went into it with the same expectations as we had for our au pair, and our nanny just went above and beyond in every way.

Now, let me say up front that nannies are much more expensive than au pairs. Even with the program fees, living expenses, car insurance, phone plan, etc. all added up, it’s still a lot less than the going rate for nannies, at least in the Boston area. We paid our nanny $24/hour for two kids, although BabyDumpling started to go back to preschool 2-3 days a week for half days while we had our nanny.

It’s tiring to watch two kids all day, I of all people get it. Our au pair was visibly exhausted at the end of every day, and spent a large part of her weekend sleeping to recuperate (the difference as parents though is, we never get to recuperate). However, our nanny didn’t seem exhausted. She seemed to be higher energy and was always looking for things to do, even when I told her she could rest while the kids napped. She started cooking lunch for the kids, sometimes making extra for us; she’d always clean up the game room and then started cleaning our kitchen as well; she’d switch out clothes that no longer fit with bigger clothes; reorganized the kids closets/drawers, not just their clothes but also their arts and crafts; and rotated the toys and books in the game room. One day she reorganized our entire tupperware drawer because she couldn’t match bottoms to lids. Another time she reorganized and cleaned our basement because that’s where we kept their extra clothes and toys. Whenever she finished working, our kitchen was sparking clean, there were no dishes (clean or dirty) in the dishwasher or dish rack, everything was put away, the laundry had been folded and put away, and our house was so much more organized than I could keep it.

Our nanny had a baby of her own who started coming to our house after her MIL left, so she was watching 3 kids most of the time, and her own kid was probably more rambunctious than mine, so she was constantly chasing after him and making sure he didn’t eat glue or fall off the sofa.

So yes, our nanny was a godsend. Did I mention that she used to be a nurse, a wedding planner, and a house cleaner (at different points in time)? She was an incredibly capable woman.

I think the attitude of not just “sitting around” because she knew we were paying for her time, and being really proactive about finding other ways to be productive was the biggest difference between our au pair and our nanny. Again, both were great to the kids, but one was just higher energy and kept herself busy. I think because our au pair lived with us and was part of the family, there was less that sense of “I am on the clock right now and should be working.” It could also just be a difference person to person, our au pair had some health issues and got tired more easily, our nanny seemed to be naturally energetic. So that may be something to look for as you’re selecting a nanny/au pair.

One last thing

What I said earlier about treating your au pair like a member of the family is very important – and can apply to nannies as well, depending on the nanny. When we interviewed our nanny, we told her we had an au pair and wanted someone to feel like they were part of the family, and she liked that. There are some nannies who would prefer an employer-employee relationship: they come to work, and they leave. And that’s fine, they could be really great nannies. There are many families who would prefer that type of relationship, too. For us, because we were transitioning from an au pair, we were looking for something more than an employee-employer relationship. So even though I didn’t get as much 1-on-1 time with my nanny compared to my au pair, we did become good friends. On the weekends, we sometimes met up for dinners, lunches, excursions. When they went on vacation, they invited us to join them, and vice versa. This continued even after she stopped working for us. For me, it was important that I got to know the person who was taking care of my kids and that I could get along with them, too. Our nanny also appreciated, and wanted, that personal connection to the family. That’s not important to everyone, so if you are interviewing nannies/au pairs, keep that in mind and set expectations accordingly. If you are looking for an employee and they are looking for a deeper connection, or vice versa, it can create disappointment and tension in the relationship. The best matches are the ones where you are aligned on expectations from the get-go, so don’t be afraid to conduct multiple rounds of interview and ensure a good fit!

The things we do for breastmilk

When BabyDumpling was around 4 months old, I had a work trip to Prague. I wasn’t forced to go, but it was a company-paid off-site, who wouldn’t want to go? The tricky thing was what I was going to do about my breastmilk. I had struggled with supply issues and had been pumping non-stop since Month 1 to build up an ok supply, so there was no way I was going to “pump and dump” (throw out my breastmilk). I was determined to save it and bring it back.

However, in Europe, most countries have pretty long maternity leaves and it’s uncommon for working moms to need a place to pump or a place to store their breastmilk. Since the off-site was at a hotel, I just returned to my room to pump – that was no problem. But there was no in-room fridge, and ideally I wanted a freezer since I was going to have to bring back multiple days worth of breastmilk.

The hotel manager told me they had a cafe in the atrium (second-floor lobby) of the hotel that had a freezer, and gave me permission to store my breastmilk there. The only problem was that a different employee worked there every time I visited, and their English is pretty limited (when they ask “how can I help you?” or “what would you like?” they’re usually expecting to hear something on the menu, not “I would like to put my breastmilk in your freezer.”). So I had to explain 3-4x a day, every day, why I was approaching him/her (it was usually a him) with a little baggy of milky liquid. “This. is. breast. milk” I would say, holding up the little baggy and pointing at my breasts as if I was inviting him to a bizarre game of charades. Sometimes the conversation/confusion would last a while, and a line would form behind me as I continued to try to give the guy my breastmilk. Just take it and put it in the freezer, goddammit! I wanted to shout. But this breastmilk was for my baby, so I had all the patience in the world.

Unfortunately, after all of that, on the last day when the shuttle bus came to take us to the airport, it was so chaotic that I forgot to go back to the cafe to retrieve my breastmilk. I realized on the bus to the airport that I’d forgotten my breastmilk, and silently cried in my seat.

Remembering DoggyDumpling

It’s been two weeks since DoggyDumpling passed away, and I still don’t know how to write this post, even though I feel I need to.

Every time I think about him, which is every day, every time I find myself in a quiet moment, I still burst into tears.

His passing was so sudden, so unexpected, and it has been absolutely heartbreaking for PapaDumpling and I.

Three weeks ago, DoggyDumpling started having diarrhea. Other than that, it was a perfectly normal Saturday – we even took him out with the entire family that day to play on a big field. We thought he had eaten something he shouldn’t have. We’ve been having construction at our house and one day, when the porch door was open as the construction workers needed to get in and out, he slipped out. We called him back in about 10-15min, but perhaps he had swallowed something he wasn’t supposed to.

On Sunday, he threw up after breakfast, so we didn’t give him any more food, thinking his digestive system needed to calm down before he could eat anything. On Monday, he was still having diarrhea, so we took him to the vet. The vet also believed he probably ate something he shouldn’t have, and even though whatever he ate was probably out of his system by now, he had a sensitive stomach and it had been irritated. So he was sent home with some anti-diarrheal and instructions for a homemade bland diet of chicken and rice.

I made him some chicken rice, but surprisingly he didn’t want to eat. The next day, he still wasn’t eating. He was also very lethargic, sleeping the whole day and usually in his crate or in the small guest bathroom. We thought it was because his stomach wasn’t feeling well. On Wednesday, we called the vet, saying that the anti-diarrheal medicine wasn’t working and that he was getting worse rather than better. They said given his history of poultry sensitivity, maybe we should try to give him beef and rice instead of chicken and rice. So I made him a big batch of ground beef and rice. And again, he refused to eat.

DoggyDumpling never says no to food. Ever. Something must have been very wrong with him.

Portrait of a Working, Traveling Mom

4:45 AM I wake up before the alarm goes off. I check the baby monitor to see if she’s awake, and surprisingly she has slept through the night, so this means I have to pump before I go to the airport. I get up in the dark and start pumping, trying not to wake my husband next to me.

5:20 AM I finish pumping and quickly get ready to leave. Time for a quick shower but no time to dry my hair or put on makeup. I stuff my makeup bag in my luggage, thinking I’ll do it at the airport.

5:45 AM Car is waiting for me and I still have to wash the pump parts that I left on the kitchen counter.

5:55 AM Leave the house as quietly as I can, without waking up the kids, the dog, or my husband.

7:20 AM On the plane. Check the baby monitor and toddler monitor to see if the kids are awake. They both are. Pray for my husband.

11:00 AM Plane is in the air but route is longer than planned. Debate whether to pump in my seat on the plane or in the car on the way to client’s office. Car ride from airport is just under 30min, which is barely enough time for a pump session. Decide to pump on plane.

11:15 AM May or may not have elbowed guy next to me while putting in my pumps. It would have been preferable to do this when he’s asleep but he’s wide awake. Oh well. Even if he noticed me moving around, he probably would have no idea what I’m doing.

12:20 PM / 11:20 AM local time: Plane lands. A colleague bumps into me at the terminal and we end up deciding to share a car together. Good thing I pumped on the plane. Also completely forgot to go to the restroom and put on makeup. Oh well.

(Switching to Central time hereafter)

12:00 PM Arrive at client office. It’s the first day of the project and everyone is happy to have me on the team, but of course nobody has thought about what I might need as a working mom. It’s an all-male team at the moment, but even if it wasn’t, why would they? I’m a unicorn* (explained below). Luckily, it’s a client I have worked with before and I was familiar with their offices. I slip out to look for a fridge/freezer to stash my breastmilk, and inquire about a nursing room. End up finding a break room with a freezer two floors up. Break room fridges/freezers are much better than the alternative, which is going to restaurants or cafeterias and asking for ice for my cooler every few hours.

7:00 PM Finally finish meetings, rush back to hotel to pump and eat. It’s already 8pm back home and both kids are asleep already. Oh well, maybe I will try to call them tomorrow.

9:00 PM Boss calls me with more work to do for the night.

12:00 AM Go to sleep.

5:00 AM Wake up even though the alarm didn’t go off. Breasts are full to bursting. Sit up in the dark and begin pumping. Check the baby monitors to see how well they slept the previous night, and by extension how well my husband slept. Thankfully, baby only woke up once for a feeding.

6:00 AM Finish sending some work that I didn’t get to the previous night. Toddler has woken up (it’s 7:00 AM their time) but mornings are not a good time to call them as there’s a lot going on, so I watch them get dressed on the toddler monitor. It’s a good thing baby hasn’t been woken up by the toddler, also means one less thing for my husband to deal with.

7:00 AM Husband and toddler are out the door. Au pair has started watching the baby. It’s time for me to get ready for my day.

Weekend getaway with a 3-month-old, a sick toddler, and an easily excitable dog

This past weekend, we took our first overnight trip as a family since MiniDumpling was born. It was a little bit chaotic but overall still a fun trip. We were originally going to go to Portland, ME for two nights, leaving on Friday and returning on Sunday. But on Thursday, we noticed BabyDumpling was sick (of course she had to get sick the day before our trip), so she stayed home from daycare, and that night, we decided not to go to Portland the next day. On Friday, she stayed home from daycare again, and her sickness was mostly cold symptoms (runny nose and low fever). Her symptoms were getting better, rather than worse, so we decided we could still go to Portland for one night instead of two. We had already rescheduled this Portland getaway from earlier in the summer, and if we didn’t go this weekend, we would probably have to wait until next summer (because most of our weekends until November are spoken for, and it would be too cold after Thanksgiving).

So, we packed our bags, and off we went. We were bringing DoggyDumpling, which meant we had to bring his crate, and that took up most of the space in the car. So it was a tight squeeze even though we all packed light for a one-night stay. We were originally planning to stop by the beach on the way up to Portland, but halfway through the drive, MiniDumpling started crying non-stop. She probably wanted to sleep (and nurse a little bit) but she cries a lot more in the car seat now (instead of just going to sleep like most babies when the car is in motion), and we didn’t want her to scream for the next hour, so we stopped in Portsmouth, NH. Portsmouth is a cute little town to stop in, and also new to the au pair, so we walked around with MiniDumpling sleeping in the carrier. I nursed her a little bit (it was my first time breastfeeding while walking and wearing her!) but she just wanted to sleep, and slept for the entire hour that we were in Portsmouth. We stopped by one of our favorite bakeries, Popovers in the Square, got some desserts and coffee, and just enjoyed the beautiful weather.

DoggyDumpling watching us eat popovers

However, making this stop threw off the rest of our schedule. BabyDumpling usually naps from 12:30-2:00pm and we had originally planned to leave the beach around that time so she could get at least 1 hr nap in the car. By the time we left Portsmouth, it was almost noon, which meant that if we went to the beach, BabyDumpling would probably skip her nap. We really wanted her to nap since she was sick, so we skipped the beach and drove straight to the hotel. I called the hotel to make sure our rooms were ready for early check-in, and set up BabyDumpling in the hotel’s pack-n-play with GrandmaDumpling. MiniDumpling, PapaDumpling, the au pair, and I all went for a walk around Portland while (we hoped) BabyDumpling napped.

Old Port, Portland, ME

Our walk turned into a foodie tour, unsurprisingly. We had oysters from Eventide and poutine from Duckfat. Then gelato from a little shop near the hotel. At 3pm we checked in with GrandmaDumpling and she said BabyDumpling just fell asleep (ugh! I hate when her nap schedule is thrown off). So we kept walking around and got more oysters at Maine Oyster Company. BabyDumpling woke up after only 40min so we went back to the hotel. BabyDumpling was now ready to go out and play, but PapaDumpling was pooped. So he took a nap, and the au pair, BabyDumpling, DoggyDumpling, and I went out again for another walk.

Smiley baby

Disclaimer: I am writing this on my cell phone in the dark with a baby sleeping on my chest, so excuse any typos. But getting time in front of a laptop is a luxury I can’t afford, so I do everything on my cell phone these days (and if it’s not something I can do on my mobile, it’s getting ignored).

MiniDumpling has turned two months old! Hurrah!

MiniDumpling has started smiling purposefully now, as in she will respond to your smile with her smile – and as small a gesture as that may sound, I live for those moments. As I like to keep reminding people, BabyDumpling didn’t smile hardly at all as a baby, so I’m always in awe when I meet super smiley babies. I hope MiniDumpling turns out to be my own super smiley baby!

MiniDumpling is also getting over her “witching hour” (thank God!). We have started doing a bedtime routine for her of bath, feeding, and then rock to sleep. Except for one night, she has basically “skipped” her witching hour snce we started the routine and been able to fall asleep starting from around 8:30pm. She can sleep until 8:30am with many nursing sessions through the night, but I still can’t seem to get her to sleep on her own.

Her daytime naps are all over the place, kind of depending on my schedule (whether I’m out or at home all day with her). She is an ok sleeper on-the-go. She can sleep longer in the carrier but will usually only sleep 30min in the stroller. Still, it’s better than her sister, who rarely slept in the stroller and hated carriers. MiniDumpling’s not on any kind of nap schedule yet, so it’s kind of hard to “optimize” my schedule because I can’t predict her naps. I can’t remember when we started getting BabyDumpling on a schedule (I know it wasn’t this early), but I’m more anxious to get on a schedule with my second, just because I know what a difference it can make.

The Witching Hour

MiniDumpling had her two month appointment yesterday and passed with flying colors:

• Height: 23.25 in (86th percentile)
• Weight: 12 lbs 10.2 oz (84th percentile)
• Head circumference: 38.75cm (71st percentile)

She had to get four vaccines (three shots) and ended up with a little reaction. I don’t remember BabyDumpling ever having a reaction to shots, but MiniDumpling slept practically continuously and had a low fever for the next 36 hours.

MiniDumpling is starting to settle into a bit of a schedule now. On average, she sleeps close to 15 hours a day. At night, she usually sleeps from 10pm (depending on her witching hour – explained below) to 9:30am, and then naps for at least one really long chunk (~2 hrs) mid-day/early afternoon and a couple cat naps in the late afternoon/early evening (20-30min). It’s harder for her to sleep once her sister gets home because BabyDumpling is your typical LOUD toddler. But after dinner, the whole family usually goes outside for a walk, with GrandmaDumpling walking DoggyDumpling, PapaDumpling watching BabyDumpling, and me wearing MiniDumpling in the baby carrier. She often falls asleep in the baby carrier after a while because of the nice movements when I’m walking around, although she’ll wake up if I stop moving.

Most of the day, she is a very well-behaved baby. Except for the witching hour. I didn’t know this had a name until I looked it up recently, but apparently it’s a thing that babies do that has nothing to do with Halloween. At 8pm every night, like clockwork, MiniDumpling will start fussing. Lasting anywhere from 1 hour (if we’re lucky) to 4 hours, she will be wide awake, refuse to nurse, and almost constantly crying. It’s as if she’s uncomfortable in every position, whether we’re cradling her, rocking her, bouncing her, putting her in a swing, or leaving her in the lounger or crib. The only position that can get her to stop crying temporarily is to hold her upright against one shoulder (like the burping position) and walk around with her. Normal walking doesn’t work, it has to be a more dramatic walk that has more of a bounce, like a lunge. Running also works. But you cannot stop. The moment you stop, she starts crying. Last night I did so many lunges with her that my knees hurt. But, I was wearing her in the carrier (because my arms hurt from carrying her) and got her to fall asleep in less than an hour, so I may try that again tonight.

Once the witching hour is over, the baby will usually be willing to nurse (and fall asleep) or go straight to sleep. The first stretch of sleep in the night is usually the longest, lasting 4-5 hours, but if she goes straight to sleep after the witching hour, she’ll usually want to nurse again before the long stretch of sleep. So if she falls asleep from the exhaustion of crying at 10pm, then she’ll dream feed at 11:30pm and sleep until 5am. Of course, there are just as many exceptions to this as there are nights that follow this pattern. Many nights, she’ll dream feed at 1 or 2am, only 2 hours after she fell asleep. It’s possible that she can smell the milk when she’s co-sleeping next to me and actually want to feed more, or she didn’t get enough before bed (because she’s on a nursing strike during the witching hour, which means she might not have nursed from 5pm to 11pm), or just that she’s a hungry, growing baby.

They say that the witching hour usually sorts itself out between 3 and 4 months, so I just have to hold out for another month or two!